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Friday, June 18, 2010

Blame Labour For The Footie

So, the England football team.

Yeah.

Makes me... proud... to be...

QUARTER-IRISH BECAUSE IRELAND BLOODY BEAT ALGERIA 3-0 FOR PETE'S SAKE

And breathe.

In light of the recent development that England are shocking, I have decided that the easiest way to guess how England will do is to see how Labour are doing in the polls.

Let's have a look-see...

1966: Labour win by a landslide, with George Brown as Deputy Leader. England win the World Cup.

1970: England get to the Quarter-Finals, but surprisingly lose to Germany. Labour lose the election, and George Brown loses his seat.

1974: England don't qualify. Labour win by default against Ted Heath.

1978: England don't qualify. Labour barely holding onto power under Lib-Lab pact.

1982: England make the second group stage. Labour on brink of extinction?

1986: England make the quarter-finals. Labour starting to fight back a bit. Gordon Brown is now an MP. (Note the Brown connection: note it!)

1990: England reach the semi-finals. Labour are ahead in the polls, and Thatcher is on the brink. Gordon Brown is on the rise in the Labour Party

1994: England don't qualify. Labour leader John Smith dies. Gordon Brown bottles chance to be leader.

1998: England make the second round. Labour are in power. Tony Blair is in a bit of trouble over the Ecclestone business; Brown is Chancellor.

2002: England make the quarter-finals. Brown has served five years as Chancellor.

2006: England make the quarter-finals. Blair's STILL there. Brown is very close to becoming PM.

2010: England can't beat the US or Algeria. BROWN IS NO LONGER IN DOWNING STREET.

So we can safely conclude that England only do well when:

1. There's a person called Brown in Government. (In between the two Browns, you'll notice, we never make it beyond the groups, or even qualifying sometimes!)
2. There's a strong Labour government.
3. We have huge riots in London.

So, seeing as the first two aren't going to happen anytime soon, I propose that somebody in London holds a riot before Wednesday, or we're all horribly DOOMED.

Ta.

The Evening Stanners

PS I just realised something else! The majority of Scotland is held by Labour, and Scotland don't want England to win! Coincidence?!? (That sort of conspiracy will get you fired from your onw blog - Ed.)

In light of recent football results, I feel obliged to say...

Tee hee hee.



Although, in truth, the result is a little annoying, as my sister and I have currently made a pact to support the underdog and the favourite respectively. So yesterday, thanks to Mexico and Greece, I lost 2-1. Just as well Argentina turned up, then, or I'd have been whitewashed: like certain extremist political parties. (Anyone heard about UKIP lately? No, didn't think so...)

It has most certainly not been a World Cup that has behaved itself: although at least it has now decided to get going after some appalling opening matches: Japan and Cameroon, I'm looking at you. France, under the guidance of the paranoid and eccentric Raymond Domenech, are not the side that won in '98, or even the side that came second four years ago, but you would expect them to get out of their group, wouldn't you? As it is, all that handball incident did was get Thierry and his mates to a tournament that, so far, they've yet to actually score in. Are the French engaged in some kind of cycle? Final, out at group stages, final, out at group stages, and so on? If so, you might want to put a few on them for Brazil 2014. But I'd wait for a bit, if I'm honest.

Anyhoo, today means I have to back, erm, Germany, the US, and England. And if any of those three lose... well, it will be a mild upset to say the least. Though I'm not sure what England will do if Slovenia win. THAT could make things interesting.

The Evening Stanners

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Vuvuzeeeeeeeeela

I like to think this is how Eric Clapton views the current situation...

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Ban on helicopter arrival at primary school prom

It seems to be all about education today. But yes, this is rather hilarious. You get the feeling it's gone a bit quiet news-wise, don't you?

A parent has been banned from sending an 11-year-old child to their end-of-year primary school prom in a helicopter.

East Renfrewshire Council confirmed it had received an inquiry about landing a helicopter in the grounds of Mearns Primary in Newton Mearns.

But it rejected the request on health and safety grounds.

The local authority said the idea was dismissed because it had no educational benefits.

It is understood the parent wanted their child to make a big entrance at the end-of-term party.

It comes as part of a growing trend for more outlandish gestures at school-leavers' dances.

Children often arrive at their proms in stretched-limos and other flashy cars.

The helicopter request was maybe just a wee bit over the top

George BarbourEast Renfrewshire Council

George Barbour, a spokesman for East Renfrewshire Council, said: "A parent approached us looking to land a helicopter in the school grounds.

"But we refused that request because the school would have had to spend time cordoning off areas to keep the children safe.

"Their time is better spent teaching the children."

He added: "We have had parents wanting to drop their children off in limos and even a Ferrari, all sorts of vehicles.

"Generally we would try to accommodate as much as we can, recognising that this is a big important event in the children's and the parents' lives.

"The helicopter request was maybe just a wee bit over the top."

A spokeswoman for the charity One Parent Families Scotland said the cost of end-of-term parties could put pressure on parents.

She added: "Schools need to be sensitive to the financial circumstances of all parents.

"It's about having inclusive policies and the mechanisms for helping those who are in limited incomes so their children don't miss out.

"Children, being children, want to be part of the group."

So in short, some parents are stark raving mad. Why would a helicopter be more impressive than a Ferrari, though? And why do primary schools have proms? The answers to all these questions will not be revealed in...


The Evening Stanners

Bloody Sunday vs Truth Tuesday

Queueing to get into the House of Commons usually takes about five minutes, if that. Yesterday, it was taking surprisingly longer. Even after all the security checks (which involved being lightly patted down), I was told it would take me quite some time to actually get to the viewing chamber.

But surely there’s nothing major going on, I thought: surely it’s just a matter of a few maiden speeches being made, and so on?

Well, no. As it turns out, the Prime Minister was at the despatch box.

And fortunately, 30 minutes after I joined the line, he still was. Because, as I remembered belatedly, the Saville Report was being published.

I’ve been to the House of Commons before, but actually seeing David Cameron stand up to field various questions was something altogether different. It was also a moment of history. The events of Bloody Sunday, which took place over 38 years ago, never make for pleasant reading; but Conservative governments have usually tried to shy away from the event, seeing as it occurred under the premiership of Edward Heath, their former leader.

Cameron, however, was making no excuses.

“That is why I reached my conclusion about there being no equivocation. When one reads the summary, whatever preconceived ideas one brings to the whole area and to what happened, one is given an incredibly clear sense of what happened and how wrong it was. I hope that, whatever side of the argument people come from, a report as clear as this will help them to come to terms with the past, because it puts matters beyond doubt. In that way, as I said, I think that the truth can help to free people from their preconceived ideas.”

So, in a word: the British army messed up, and it was unjustified. The 13 victims were, in a word, innocent.

Even better was Cameron’s response to a question from the Lib Dem MP Bob Russell…

“It is not in their interests, and nor is it in our interests, to try to gloss over what happened on that dreadful day.”

Considering this is such a hot potato for a Conservative PM - who you would normally expect to protect the Armed Forces from any controversy - he handled most questions impeccably.

But the best piece of speaking was left to Dr William McCrea, MP for South Antrim, who certainly left me moved, and Cameron a little raw:

“I am sure the Prime Minister would not like to support a hierarchy of victimhood. On 17 January 1992, eight innocent civilian construction workers at Teebane were murdered by the Provisional IRA, and six others were seriously injured. On 9 April 1991, my cousin Derek was gunned down and his child was left to put his fingers into the holes where the blood was coming out to try to stop his father dying. On 7 February 1976, my two cousins were brutally murdered-one boy, 16, and his sister, 21, on the day she was engaged to be married. Therefore I say this to the Prime Minister: no one has ever been charged for any of those murders, and there have been no inquiries. Countless others, including 211 Royal Ulster Constabulary members, were also murdered.

Saville says: “None” of the casualties “was posing any threat of causing death or serious injury”, but that could be said of Teebane, of Derek, of Robert and of Rachel. How do we get closure, how do we get justice, and how do we get the truth?”

To which Cameron replied:

The hon. Gentleman rightly speaks with great power and emotion about how people on all sides in Northern Ireland have suffered, and people in the community that he represents have suffered particularly badly. Some horrific things have happened to people completely unconnected with politics-people who are innocent on every single level-and there is nothing that you can do to explain to someone who lost a loved one in that way that there is any logic, fairness or sense in that loss. The hon. Gentleman asks how we try to achieve closure on such matters. There is no easy way, but we have the Historical Enquiries Team, which goes through case after case, and if it finds the evidence, prosecutions can take place.

I hope that the inquiry report published today will give some closure to those families from Londonderry, but one way for families who have suffered to gain more closure about the past is for terrorists or former terrorists to come forward and give information about those crimes. However, in the end, we have to move forward and we have to accept that dreadful things happened. We do not want to return to those days, and that sometimes means - as he and I know - burying very painful memories about the past so that we can try to build a future.”

So all in all, stirring stuff, and I’m glad I decided to go along for a few hours.

And bizarrely, Nick Clegg sitting next to Cameron doesn’t look that odd. Hmm.

The Evening Stanners

Monday, June 14, 2010

The Quest For Work With MPs: Partial Success!

In a surprise new move, it appears I may well get an internship this August with Andrew George, the MP for St Ives (Cornwall). Which will be very exciting indeed, I should wager.

Am also currently trying to get

a) Bar work, or playing the piano in a nearby pub once a week to raise cash
b) Work experience with an MP in July
c) Some sort of employment in Cambridge, ideally office work

But it's not easy! Am having to work very hard to actually get work. Who knew?

Still, that internship (which is going to be finalised within the next week) is definitely a good start. Now to find work elsewhere! This will (probably) involve ringing up Stephen Gilbert's office, and then Neil Carmichael's, to see if they have any work going then.

Oxford on Wednesday as well: exciting stuff! Well, at least I'm excited...

The Evening Stanners

Take Back Parliament Stuff

How do you get more involved in the debate on electoral reform?

Answer: you go to picnics, and talk to awesome people wearing purple about what to do next. Then they all call you a "fountain of knowledge" for no particular reason :-D

In short, meeting up with other people who are interested in politics is an extremely good idea, and I should probably do it more often.

So what does this week entail?

The answers to this question and more shall be revealed in the next update!

The Evening Stanners