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Showing posts with label william hague. Show all posts
Showing posts with label william hague. Show all posts

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Broken Laws


Oh, dearie me. The coalition may well hold a new record for the quickest Cabinet resignation since the formation of a UK government known to man. Not even Ted Heath's government started this badly, though it has to be said that David Cameron did NOT get hit by rotten tomatoes.

So why is the Lib-Con coalition honeymoon "already over"? Well, as I'm sure you'll have read in the Guardian and other such outraged newspapers (ie all of 'em), David Laws (above), Chief Secretary to the Treasury, resigned yesterday. This is because he broke the expenses rules from 2006, when he claimed money that should have gone to the taxpayer.

About £40,000 to be precise.

Naturally, there's a bit of outrage about that: the Lib Dems did rather well after taking the moral high ground on the expenses scandal last year, so the Yeovil MP is not exactly in much of a position to argue.

The difficulty for Laws is that he was trying to protect people around him: because the money he claimed went to his landlord, and partner, James Lundie. Many of his close friends did not know about Laws' sexuality: hence why he claimed the money, in order to protect his reputation. Unfortunately, covering something up will only get you so far: in Laws' case, into the Cabinet for 18 days, before all hell broke loose.

It's hard not to feel sorry for Laws: one gets the feeling he's been hounded out a bit here. But rules are rules, and Laws would only have damaged his reputation further by trying to wriggle out of it. In any case, judging by the support from such right-wingers as Iain Duncan-Smith, he will probably be back at some point. But the lefties will want to see him repay the money, and plenty of penitence whilst he's at it: much like they wanted to see Tony Blair apologise for Iraq, or George Bush apologise for being a muppet.

So will the coalition fall apart? My guessing would be: not yet, lads. This was very much the media baying for blood, and the public mood is decidedly anti-media: newspapers are not cool, Twitter and Facebook more sort of are. So the likelihood is it will hold until at least next May, by which time we'll see how the new Labour man (or woman) is doing.

Definitely a shock to the system, though.

Clegg: Well, this is a bit bogus.

Bill: Shut up, Clegg!

The Evening Stanners

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Speechifying

Today is when the Queen gets up in Parliament and basically outlines what on earth this next Government's getting up too. She should be fairly used to it, mind, having survived about a dozen Prime Ministers. You can find the BBC News live feed here.

Unfortunately, several parts of the Queen's Speech, such as the scrapping of identity cards and the Lib Dem proposal of pupil premiums, have been leaked to the press. Indeed, the leaks have extended themselves to the Evening Stanners, where we discovered an attempt to modernise the rhetoric of the speech, so that it might appeal to an electorate of the 21st Century...




I'm representing for them monarchs across the world

Still treating them corgies with some Rolos, girl


Still taking my time to perfect the Speech

And I still got love for the beach


Clegg: Cowabunga dudes...


Bill: SHUT UP, CLEGG!


The Evening Stanners

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Bill and Clegg's Excellent Adventures: Labour Pains


Bill: Clegg, this leadership campaign is most complicated.

Clegg: How meanest thou, dude?

Bill: Dude, just two days ago those two Miliband bros were the only guys going for the leader of that rose thing.

Clegg: Wasn't that the rose thing that thrashed you nine years ago?

Bill: Shut up, Clegg. Anyway, turns out there are like, six people going for it.

Clegg: No way.

Bill: Yes way. And one of them's a chick.

Bill: No dude, Diane Abbott. But like, the idea of a woman leading the Labour Party?

Clegg: Dude, you're like, totally forgetting Harman's in charge at the moment.

Bill: HARMAN'S A CHICK?!?

Dave: Er, sorry to interrupt chaps, but Merkel says the Euro's in danger.

Bill & Clegg: BOGUS!

PS. For the record, the MPs running are David Miliband, Ed Miliband, Ed Balls, John McDonnell, Andy Burnham, and Diane Abbott. This just got a bit more interesting, dudes...

The Evening Stanners

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Bill and Clegg: Speaker Bercow

As Nadine Dorries' attempt to create revolution goes down like the Bay of Pigs in '63, Bill and Clegg give you their official (and fictional) lowdown...

Clegg: Dude, this seat arrangement is totally contrived, man.

Bill: What do you mean, Clegg?

Clegg: Well, I'm to the left of Cameron, and you're like, to the right.

Bill: No. Way.

Clegg: Yes way.

Bill: Well that's pretty rockin' man. But why are they dragging Bercow?

Clegg: 'Cos he is a drag, Bill. What was with all those no's, anyway?

Bill: No idea, man. But they were most heinous.

Clegg: Wait one totally awesome moment, Bill. If I'm essentially Keanu Reeves, where will this leave me in ten years' time?



Andrew Marr: Mr Cleggeron. Surprised to see me?

Clegg: Not really.

The Evening Stanners