Holland of Hope And Glory

Three words: Yippee-ki-yay, Wesley Sneijder. After all the hype and dominance, Brazil are leaving the World Cup as suddenly and painfully as ol' Maggie left Downing Street: and with just as many tears and tantrums, might I add.

Of course, I am relatively pleased with the result: in the sense that, if Holland get two more wins, I'll somehow have found myself with nigh-on fifty quid. But sweepstakes aside, it is a shame that Brazil have gone: and gone so shockingly. One disastrous own goal (with cries of dodgy keeper all around), one badly defended corner, and one disgusting tackle combined to leave them with too much to do. They went out at the Quarter-Final stage last time too. It's just as well they're hosting it next time round, isn't it?

And then there were seven: Holland, Uruguay and Ghana (who play tonight), Spain and Paraguay, and Argentina and Germany.

Any preferences on who you want to win out of that lot? I'd like to see a Holland vs Spain final myself. That way, even if Holland do lose, it'll mean Spain finally win the World Cup. Then we can go back to a life without football.

For about four weeks.

Hmm...

The Evening Stanners

PS Felipe Melo had quite the game, didn't he? Sets up one, accidentally scores one, then gets sent off. Classic.

Blame Labour For The Footie

So, the England football team.

Yeah.

Makes me... proud... to be...

QUARTER-IRISH BECAUSE IRELAND BLOODY BEAT ALGERIA 3-0 FOR PETE'S SAKE

And breathe.

In light of the recent development that England are shocking, I have decided that the easiest way to guess how England will do is to see how Labour are doing in the polls.

Let's have a look-see...

1966: Labour win by a landslide, with George Brown as Deputy Leader. England win the World Cup.

1970: England get to the Quarter-Finals, but surprisingly lose to Germany. Labour lose the election, and George Brown loses his seat.

1974: England don't qualify. Labour win by default against Ted Heath.

1978: England don't qualify. Labour barely holding onto power under Lib-Lab pact.

1982: England make the second group stage. Labour on brink of extinction?

1986: England make the quarter-finals. Labour starting to fight back a bit. Gordon Brown is now an MP. (Note the Brown connection: note it!)

1990: England reach the semi-finals. Labour are ahead in the polls, and Thatcher is on the brink. Gordon Brown is on the rise in the Labour Party

1994: England don't qualify. Labour leader John Smith dies. Gordon Brown bottles chance to be leader.

1998: England make the second round. Labour are in power. Tony Blair is in a bit of trouble over the Ecclestone business; Brown is Chancellor.

2002: England make the quarter-finals. Brown has served five years as Chancellor.

2006: England make the quarter-finals. Blair's STILL there. Brown is very close to becoming PM.

2010: England can't beat the US or Algeria. BROWN IS NO LONGER IN DOWNING STREET.

So we can safely conclude that England only do well when:

1. There's a person called Brown in Government. (In between the two Browns, you'll notice, we never make it beyond the groups, or even qualifying sometimes!)

2. There's a strong Labour government.

3. We have huge riots in London.

So, seeing as the first two aren't going to happen anytime soon, I propose that somebody in London holds a riot before Wednesday, or we're all horribly DOOMED.

Ta.

The Evening Stanners

PS I just realised something else! The majority of Scotland is held by Labour, and Scotland don't want England to win! Coincidence?!? (That sort of conspiracy will get you fired from your onw blog - Ed.)

Vuvuzeeeeeeeeela

I like to think this is how Eric Clapton views the current situation...

A Message to South Africa and Mexico

GET IT ON TARGET!

Muppets.

South Africa appear to have misunderstood the importance of being the hosts. Hosts! You are not allowed to be horrendous. So ideally, keep doing what you did for the last five minutes of the half, and keep firing it towards the Mexican goalie. Because, quite frankly, he's not quite tall enough to stop everything.

But yes, at the moment, the Labour Party leadership contest looks more interesting than this: and that, as I recently found out, is a contest between five people who ALL went to Oxbridge. Oxford and Cambridge are awesome, yes: but bizarrely, neither are Labour strongholds. Paradoxical stuff!

Ah, they've re-started. And when this match is over sirs, I shall be orf to Cambridge. Cheerio!

The Evening Stanners

Labour Leadership Contest: Ed, Dave and Eddie

Okay, the show was technically called Ed, Edd and Eddie. But you get the idea.

Here's the deal:

David Miliband is nominated, as is Ed Miliband. Ed Balls, whilst still struggling a bit, has at least got himself nominated and will be difficult to remove from frontline politics, as the Conservatives found when they failed to "decapitate" him from Morley on May 6th.

The other three are still trailing, unfortunately. Burnham is half-way there (thank you Bon Jovi. Yes, now you too have that song in your head), McDonnell has six signatures, and poor old Diane Abbott only has one. So much for diversity!

It will be a lot clearer after the end of this week who's not going to make it: after all, the other three do have a whole week to garner support, so we'll see.

Interestingly, Dave Miliband has suggested the idea of televised debates for the contest, which would certainly be a modernising move and would do Labour a fair bit of good in my opinion. After all, it did inspire Cleggmania!

More soon...

The Evening Stanners